Why Your World Doesn’t Make Sense to Anyone
Our senses take in information from the external world; we use smells, sounds, visuals, taste and touch (heat, human touch, a light breeze etc) to create an internal map to teach us how to react. With this logic two people standing side by side should feel the same emotions depending on the stimulus’s the senses detect, creating an automatic response.
But we are not robots and two people standing side by side will feel different emotions and react differently to any stimulus because we don’t operate from sensory experience, we operate from our internal map; The map is not the territory.
This is why one NLP technique as an example to cure a phobic, wont work on every phobic client. This is why the same hypnotic words can take one person in to a deeper trance and another into a lighter trance. This is why describing a beech can help one person feel relaxed while creating anxiety in someone different. We may sense the same external things but these stimulus are internalised differently.
“Clean language” is discussed as a key therapeutic tool by coaches. By using the clients “words” the client makes a particular response, rather then a therapist using their own language to describe a situation or to summaries a key point, which can be internalised by the client in a different way, creating a different emotional response. My brother told a joke a recent family gathering, half the family found it hilarious, while the other half found it rude.
Drawing a Map
Our brain learns through observational learning, even though we are born with some inbuilt processes. Babies naturally smile, as a smile creates certain emotions in adults that make us want to protect them. When a bay cries the mother will naturally respond to that baby.
Albert Bandura completed a range of experiments in the 60’s which were named “Bodo Doll” Children would watch an adult act aggressively towards the Bodo Doll and see him either get rewarded or punished, once the adult left the room the scientist would watch the children’s behaviour towards the doll. This experiment highlighted how people learn through observational learning.
If you see X happening you will believe that this type of behaviour is acceptable
The environment you are born in, along with your family network, peers and people you see in authority teach us consciously and unconsciously the rules of life, creating your map. A baby who doesn’t get any attention through crying will at some point stop crying and become more withdrawn.
Every experience creates parts of our map. These same experiences affect how we internalised future experiences creating a different map. Two children who go for a picnic will internalise the picnic experience differently depending on past experience and how these experiences affected their map.
Your mind searches for emotional memories within milliseconds to teach you how to automatically react to each situation. For new experiences your mind looks for the most relevant point of reference; The picnic is in a field, a field is where mummy and daddy argued, arguing = sadness.
We are constantly searching for frames of reference, changing our emotional reactions. We can only feel one emotion at a time, but we can rapidly feel different emotions throughout the day.
Editing the Map
Our brains can change and evolve through plasticity. This changes our internal map, helping us to respond differently to different situations; a phobic can become phobic free, an anxious person can learn to be more confident and you can respond positively to situation that in the past made you uncomfortable.
Many of us have old patterns running, outdated ways of responding. Some if these old patterns at one time or another were usual to us. They were the best choice at that time. But often we need to update our emotional memories to create new frames of references and news ways live of lives.
Clients through hypnotherapy, mindfulness and life coaching can learn new behaviours, as our brain never stops evolving. We can create new frames of reference to give the client new choices, and it is believed by most therapist that clients always make the best choice when given choices.
Life coaching uses solution focus questions to direct the clients thought, and each thought, which creates an emotional response creates a new emotional memory – a new frame of reference. NLP life coaching uses a range of tools to help clients take a new perspective on situations and give clients tools to control their emotions in situation, allowing the client to have new choices – I feel negative, but I can choose to feel different by using NLP technique X.
NLP Hypnosis can embed new processes and frames of reference, as the brain creates stronger memories when it is relaxed. These new patterns will help you create positive emotional reactions to various stimuli. There is a range of tools available to help clients edit their own map, creating new choices, new ways of operating. Meditation as an example teaches people how to relax, how to centre themselves and how to control emotions.
It often doesn’t matter which techniques work best for you, it is more important to find techniques that give you the options to make the best choice. When you want to edit your map to create new responses, you know that certain therapies can support you with this. Your brain can learn through repetition, and by changing your emotional response to a stimuli over and over again, through real life or in a trance state your brain will create new neuropathways to embed this new behaviour, changing your internal map of the world.
Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions and Public Speaking Events
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