Unconsciously Changing Clients Personal Limitations During Conversation
Many clients arrive in therapy sessions for both life coaches and hypnotherapy sessions with limiting beliefs and negative personal generalisations. It is often these limiting beliefs that are stopping the clients from moving forward.
A therapist can use a variety of language patterns to support the client to reframe, reassess or to take a new perspective of their beliefs, creating new choices within the client’s map of the world.
Beliefs define the relationship between a client’s value and their causes, indicators and consequences. Beliefs are typically expressed in the form of
- Complex equivalence (A “equals”, “is, “is equivalent to” or “means” B)
- Cause-effect (A “causes (because)”, “makes”, “leads to”, “produces”, “results in” B).
As an example a clients limiting belief may be “I can’t get a date because I’m not confident” (cause and effect)
Breaking down limiting beliefs in conversation
To break the belief the therapist needs to reframe the statement/belief. This allows the client to look at the same situation from a new perspective. With a new perspective you have choice, which breaks the belief that they can only do it one way.
Often the therapist will have to use a variety of questioning and reframing statements to breakdown the client’s resistance, making change faster.
A different meaning. You can encourage the client to find a new meaning by reframing what the client has said, we call this a Redefine.
“So what you are saying is that you’re attractive enough to get a date?” The client has focused on the one negative with his statement, where you have found a hidden positive. A client who has image difficulties would have added this to their original statement.
There is always a consequence to your actions. A lot of clients live in the now and don’t think about the outcome of their situation. They just live with their problem, but knowing the consequence of their belief creates change, with the client thinking “I don’t want that to happen” or “I never thought where this would go”
“What would happen if you continued to question your confidence?” Clients will often realise the outcome is a result they do not want, the pain behind this thought can be a motivator for change. Many clients don’t realise how their belief if not changed can grow often uncontrollably, the future focus often awakens clients to this realisation.
What is the positive intention behind the belief? Beliefs have been formed by the subconscious with a positive intention, by uncovering the intention or secondary gain the client will be aware of the reason of why they are saying/believing this statement.
“What’s good about being single?” what is the client achieving by being single? Maybe they don’t want to be hurt or don’t want to look a fool when asking someone out. This question can refocus the whole session allowing you to treat the cause.
Change the Frame Size. The focus of a client can be the clients barrier. Some will focus too much on the detail, while others at the opposite end of the scale will have a frame of reference that is too general.
“What specifically makes you not confident?” Gaining examples from the client, gathering specific detail and discussing individual parts of the belief/statement helps the client to focus in on specific points, changing the frame of reference which changes the emotional response.
Offer an example that is an exception to their belief. A client will have evidence that backs up their belief, the stronger the belief the more evidence they have. The belief may distort information to make it fit their world, in a way the client is blinded to the truth.
“I have a beautiful friend who loves dating shy people, she finds it endearing” Stating a believable truth alters the clients perception. It creates flexibility in their thinking allowing change to made easier. This can be delivered as examples or metaphors.
Create a new outcome. By proposing a shift in outcome you can change the client’s thinking, reframing their perception. With a new focus the client motivational level often changes.
“What changes can you make that will help females find you attractive?” The clients when questioned in terms of outcomes, can look at the same situation and find new possibilities for achieving the original goal.
Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions and Public Speaking Events
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