5 Ways To Kill Low Self Esteem
Your self–esteem increase or decreases depending on how you value yourself. If your confidence in your own self-worth, skills and abilities lowers, so does your self-esteem. To improve your self-esteem you need to know how you add value to your friendship group, your colleagues and the world.
People with low self-esteem constantly worry about other people’s opinions which often creates procrastination, procrastination lowers self-esteem creating a viscus cycle
You need to kill the things that lower your self-esteem, as self-esteem effects our relationships, our careers and our future life.
Low Self Esteem Killer 1. Kill The Positive Vampires
There are lots of positive vampires in the world. You know these people, there the people who walk into a room and suck the fun, the positively out of every situation.
Positive vampires don’t just see the glass as half empty, they drain the glass so there is nothing left. Vampires are skilled at taking a big bite and sucking all the joy out of your life. Once bitten it is easy to join their clan, becoming as negative as they are, lowering your self-esteem.
How to Kill the Vampire
Vampires attack at night when you are not expecting it. Often you don’t realise that a negative vampire is effecting your mood until it is too late. Be aware of negative vampires in your social groups and stay away from them. When you hear the moans coming, leave the room, when caught in a negative conversation interrupt them by asking a silly question and smiling, as this breaks their negative pattern, giving you time to slip away.
Surround yourself with positive, happy and joyful people – this is the garlic that will keep the negative vampire away. Moods are catching, if you socialise with glass half full peers, there positively, love for life and happiness will spread to you. Once full of life, your self-esteem will increase
Low Self Esteem Killer 2. Kill Your Compliment Barrier
Do you ignore compliments and praise? A key difference between people with low self-esteem and strong confidence, is that people with low self-esteem don’t like to hear nice things said about them. And when they do, they think this praise is a lie.
Low self-esteem is linked to your self-worth. If you ignore approval and positive feedback you won’t link these positive attributes to your identity, effecting your levels of self-esteem. Often people take this one step further. Not only do they delete peoples praise but people with low self-esteem also list their own faults.
How to Kill the Barrier
Accept compliments. When people give you positive feedback, thank them and carry on with your task. At home reflect on all the nice compliments you have received and became aware of the common commendations that are given by all.
Rather than list your own defects, instead list your skills, strengths and qualities. Even stand in front of a mirror and praise yourself; your looks, your style, your personality traits.
The more you like about yourself, the more you believe other peoples praise and the more you are aware of your own skills and qualities the more positive you will be
Low Self Esteem Killer 3. Kill The I Compare Man
Comparison websites are highly popular as you can easily see, as an example, the comparisons for car insurance. The comparison website compares all aspects of the advertised companies allowing you to choose the best company for you. For money saving strategies comparison is a great tactic but for self-esteem, comparison is the worst option.
People will often compare themselves to other people, looking at other peoples strengths and comparing these to their own weaknesses. This uneven scale is heavily weighted to one side and can only make you feel negative about yourself. Rarely do people compare their own strengths to other peoples weaknesses to increase self-esteem.
How to Kill the Comparison
When you find yourself comparing your weakness to another person’s skill, change this by asking yourself “What steps do I need to take to develop this skill?” By having a plan to develop yourself, increases motivation and your self-esteem. You can follow up this question by checking what personal resources you have that will help to develop this skill quickly.
Low self-esteem comes from feeling there is nothing you do. By creating a plan of action to develop yourself you give yourself the control and with control comes higher levels of self-esteem.
Low Self Esteem Killer 4. Kill The Frown
You can always notice the people with low self-esteem as they rarely smile. There negative thoughts are internal, and as they go inside themselves to think about their problems, their lack of qualities and listen to their own negative self-talk their low self esteem increases. This emotional rollercoaster is shown on their face as a frown.
How to Kill the Frown
Many studies have highlighted that if you force yourself to smile you will feel better about yourself.
As you smile the muscles in your face send signals that are interpreted by your brain, releasing positive chemicals in your body to help you feel better. A study with a group manic depressives highlighted this result. They were asked to put coloured dots around their house; inside cupboards doors, on mirrors, etc. Ask they wondered around their house they were asked to laugh for 10 minutes every time they came across a coloured dot.
After a couple of weeks they group were reassessed and all were found to have improved.
This also works with body language. If you stand tall and proud, with your head held high you will feel better about yourself.
There more you laugh and smile the better you will feel.
Low Self Esteem Killer 5. Kill The Problem Focus
Your choice Problem or Solution? If your perspective is always the problem you will find it hard to increase your self-esteem and motivation, because negative emotions are associated with problems. It is good to predict potential potholes when working towards a goal, as this allows you prepare your resources, but in the main you need to be more solution focused.
Once highlighted a problem can expand in your mind’s eye. When you see problem after problem, difficulty after difficulty your focus is always negative, you start telling yourself that you will never be able to work through all of this. You predict so many potential problems that you feel overwhelmed and under resourced. With this heavy weight on your shoulders you feel that you are the failure, effecting your self-esteem.
How to Kill The Problem
To kills the problem perspective you need ask empowering questions that allow you to focus on the solutions. Having a solution focus helps you recognise your resources, past successes and a solution focus attitude empowers you to take action.
Each time you take action your self-esteem improves.
Solution focused questions to ask yourself
- What do I need to do to achieve my goal?
- What are my choices?
- What steps shall I take first?
- What have I done previously that can help me to achieve this goal?
- Who else can help me?
Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions and Public Speaking Events
Chris Delaney is also a published author “The 73 Rules of Influencing the Interview – using Psychology, NLP and Hypnotic Persuasion Techniques”
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