5 Steps To Take Control of Your Life
Peoples belief systems control their life. At the extreme, if you truly believe you will die if you leave your house, your belief will make you Agoraphobic
If you believe you will always fail, you will never try anything new, you will never set goals and you never live up to your potential
Peoples experiences and back stories create strong believes that control you; you left the house once and was attacked. You set a goal and failed at the first hurdle.
These experiences and the stories we create at the unconscious level from our experiences, create our believes and your beliefs create your focus and focus creates emotion and it is this emotion that creates Pain or Pleasure motivation for when you think about an action, goal or objective.
If you see a goal as pleasurable you will go for it, a pain perspective creates inactivity
Take Control of Your Life Step 1 You Can Change Your Beliefs
People have a belief “this is it” “I am who I am” and “I was born this way” When you hear people stating these beliefs, you will know that these people live in a limiting belief system – they let their limiting beliefs control them.
In actual fact humans cant stay the same – we constantly learn, change, improve and develop. Even with bad habits and limiting beliefs we learn and develop.
We learn to reply on our limiting beliefs and we become experts in our habits. Remember at one time your habit wasn’t a habit, is was simply something you did once. A habit is a response or action you complete on a regular basis, this action becomes a habit when you perform it without thinking.
To change your back story you first need to understand that you can change and develop. Recent research shows how new neurons are created when we respond differently to a stimulus – your brain physically changes when you break a pattern
Take Control of Your Life Step 2 Recognize Your Story
Recently I spent a weekend with my niece. She told me “when I grow up I will marry a prince, he will look after me and buy me nice things”
We all learn stories when we are young. Our hunter and gatherer ancestors used stories, as we do today, to teach our children the rules of life, good and bad and how to behavior.
When your story becomes embedded into your belief system you will act accordingly to this belief and story. This is a good strategy for success unless your story is limiting your life.
Your success story and beliefs that work well for you could include:
- “if you work hard you will progress in your career”
- “studying increase knowledge”
- “if you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail”
If your back story is one that limits you, you will need to change the perspective of the story
- “men/women will always let you down”
- “to be successful in life you have to be rich”
- “I have failed in everything I have tried”
When you focus on the negative, the bad experiences and your past limiting experiences you will, at the emotional level, feel negative.
If you change your focus you change your emotional state. This doesn’t mean that your past experiences didn’t happen, but it means you can change the perspective of the past experience
With a new perspective comes a new state
- “men/women will always let you down” becomes “if I date people with the same values as me I will be happier in my relationship”
- “to be successful in life you have to be rich” becomes “success is measured by your happiness”
- “I have failed in everything I have tried” becomes “I learn from each and every experience”
Read the first beliefs and ask how does this make you feel? Then, read the re-framed beliefs and notice the difference in state.
Once you change your beliefs and create a new set of rules to live by, you will feel that you are in control of your life and a feeling of control is a powerful state.
Take Control of Your Life Step 3 What Makes You Happy
There may be one, two or many areas of your life that you need to change and you may be focused on these areas of development. But there are also areas of your life that you like. Maybe you have financial success, you have found your sole mate, your career is perfect, you feel healthy or have a close family
I don’t know what is going well for you in your life, what is the thing you enjoy about your life, what are you are proud off. Make a note of it.
Ask yourself “why does this area of my life make me happy?”
When you think about this positive area of your life, does it fit in with your backstory and beliefs? Maybe your are happy in your job, you have “worked hard” and this has led to your “progressing in your career”
The positive beliefs we have and our values equal our own personal happiness. If you are ‘living’ these beliefs and values you will feel successful. You feel over the moon if you find your self in a situation that is above and beyond your expectations; a promotion you didn’t believe you would achieve
If you live to your positive beliefs and values you feel good.
Take Control of Your Life Step 4 What Makes You Un-Happy
So, what parts of your life makes you stressed, makes you unhappy or makes you feel sad. Again, make a note of this.
Ask yourself “why does this area of my life make me unhappy or stressed?”
Think about this area of your life – does it meet your beliefs and values? If your life is all about being healthy, you may not like your career, because the long hours you work, makes it hard to eat healthily.
Knowing what areas of your life you need to develop can be the key to motivating yourself to create change and many of you from completing the above exercise will feel motivated to make a change.
But one thing creates helplessness and that is the “feeling of NO control.”
Take Control of Your Life Step 4 Create Control
If you feel helpless in your life, you may blame someone or something “It because of my childhood” “I was never given that lucky break” or “I never had the right teachers” Blame gives you an excuse for no control; the reason was X, if it wasn’t for X I would have Y.
No one likes the feeling of no control so we blame X to fulfill that feeling of a lack of control
If you hate the feeling of no control – TAKE CONTROL. If you are over weight, exercise. If you hate your job, find a new job. If have no money, find a strategy to make you rich. By taking action you take back the control, you will feel empowered and your motivation for creating change will increase
To take control of your life;
- How do you want to live your life – what is your purpose
- Be-aware of the things you are doing that meet this purpose
- Give yourself control by changing your limiting beliefs and/or taking action to change your life
Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions and Public Speaking Events
Chris Delaney is also a published author “The 73 Rules of Influencing the Interview – using Psychology, NLP and Hypnotic Persuasion Techniques”
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