NLP Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy

Posts tagged ‘interview’

Creating Confidence

Creating Confidence

 

Today I was delighted to be speak to Hypnotist Paul Ramsey and Neuroscientist Mani Saint-Victor from http://www.hypnoticthoughts.com

During the interview we discussed NLP and Hypnotherapy techniques used to boost confidence and Mani explained the neuroscience behind these techniques

 

I have added the video and below I have recorded the technique discussed during the interview. 

 

 

STEP ONE:

Let’s go back to the voice, recall this negative voice and as you hear the voice (this voice needs to sound like your voice, there is a different technique for a voice that sounds like someone else’s) notice, where the voice is? Is it on the left or the right hand side of your head? In the front or the back of your mind?

 

STEP TWO:

How loud is the voice? Normal, softer or louder – become aware of what make this voice negative?

If you could turn this voice into a shape, what shape would it be? A square, Triangle, Circle or any other shape? What shape is your voice? If you can’t turn the voice into a shape, imagine you were someone who could turn the voice into a shape – what is your shape is your voice?

What colour is your shape? Is the shape in the same place the voice was?

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STEP THREE:

Slowly move the shape away from your head, down towards your shoulder, how does it feel now – most say it feels less powerful, amazing hey?

Allow the shape to move from your shoulder down your arm towards your elbow, how does it feel now, is the negative emotion vanishing? Yes?

Let the shape, continue further down from your elbow to your hand, notice how your negative emotions losses strength the future down the shape go’s, move the shape to your leg, at its own speed allow the shape to drop down from your leg to your knee – how does it feel now? Less powerful?

Move it from your knee to your foot, is the negative feeling vanishing?  With the shape on your foot, how do you feel, more positive?

 

STEP FOUR:

Finally allow the shape to fall onto the floor – what do you want to do to the shape? Kick it away? Stamp on it? Put it under your chair?

Move the shape so you can’t see it, now how do you feel, have all the negative emotions vanished? Most said they vanished along time ago. How easy and amazing is this exercise?

  • Try this exercise 3 times and notice how it get’s easier and quicker to remove the negative voice each time you try it.

 

 

 

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions and Public Speaking Events

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Other People Who Read This Article Also Read:

Chris Delaney Specialise in: 

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Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Did You Know That Charles Dickens Was The First To Use NLP?

Did You Know That Charles Dickens Was The First To Use NLP?

 

One of my favourite Christmas stories is Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol.” With only a week to go to Christmas, the Christmas Carol story has been shown in various formats on television. After watching my forth version of the Christmas Carol this week, I realised how Scrooge makes life changing decisions through NLP.

 

Creating Christmas Change

One of the opening scenes shows Ebenezer Scrooge heading home from work as usual, Dickens uses a Visual Pattern Interrupt  in the form of Ebenezers  dead co-workers face appearing in place of the door knocker on scrooges house, to break Scrooges pattern. This alone doesn’t change Scrooges hardwired behaviour, but is the first step in the change process.

The pattern interrupt changes Scrooges usual behaviour, and scrooge is forced to light a candle to check the house. Scrooges doesn’t like to spend money, but will do when he feels compelled to, in this case he checks for danger by walking around the darkened house with a lit candle. This re-frame “I won’t waste expensive candles by burning them” changes to “I will use candles if I need to” starts chipping away at Scrooges limiting beliefs.

The ghost of Jacob Marley covered in chains haunts Scrooge and warns him of the forthcoming ghostly visitors. Marley cleverly uses several metaphors with scrooge  describing the chains that are wrapped around him as “..long, and wound about him like a tail; made of cash-boxes, keys, padlocks, ledgersdeeds, and heavy purses wrought in steel.” The ghost goes on to explain that “these are  the chain he unknowingly forged himself in life, as a result of his greed and selfishness.”

Scrooge is still sceptic at this stage, doubting his own senses, looking for evidence to back up his belief, he tells the ghost “…a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheat. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There’s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!” but Jacob who was much like Scrooge in life, is using his own experience as a metaphor for Ebenezer to see his own life from a new perspective.

Re-living Past Experiences

The first ghost arrives as the bell strikes one. The ghost of Christmas past takes Scrooge back down his timeline, to relive his past experiences, successes and loves, stacking various anchors along the way. We see Scrooge watch himself through his school years in the third perceptual position, lonely but with the potential for happiness, to becoming a young man in his first apprentice where the first traces of greed (hierarchies of criteria and  values) start to show, when he informs his friendly boss of the cost of the Christmas party.

Scrooge is shown the first meeting of the love of his life, Belle, which later ends badly as Ebenezer lets her go, as he is to tight to spend his hard earned money on the wedding, even though he is now a partner in his own firm. Wanting to Change his Own Personal History, the present day Scrooge shouts at his past self not to let Belle go – his own experience changes his values and criteria.

Consciously or unconsciously the ghost of Christmas past anchors these strong emotions when he pats Scrooge on the shoulder.

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Perceptible Position

Scrooge is awakened again as the bells strike two. A giant with a life span of just one day, tells scrooge how he is the ghost of Christmas Present.

Scrooge is shown several current scenes of Christmas joy and charity, and is then taken to the happy Cratchit household, where he sees his employee Bob Cratchit spending Christmas with his poor family, including his ill son Tiny Tim. This scene changeling Scrooges limiting beliefs that you need to be rich to enjoy life.

Tiny Tim is full of joy even though he is likely to die at a very young age, especially as Bob on his meagre wage can barley support the family. Scrooge is also surprised when Bob toast Scrooge as “the founder of the feast” showings Scrooge how behaviours arise from states.

As the ghost takes scrooge away to a new household, Ebenezer can’t take his eyes from tiny Tim’s weak and fragile body. Scrooge ask if Tiny Tim will die, he is reminded of his own unkind remark that poor people should die and “reduce the surplus population” this clever use of “clean language” challenges scrooges view of the world.

Scrooge arrives at his nephews Fred’s house, who he only just realises looks a lot like his dead sister – he is starting to see things different by this stage. The ghost cleverly uses perceptible positions to get Scrooge to see himself from a new perceptive, in the form of them watching Fred play a game to find the identity of a horrid thing, in which questions can be answered only with Yes and No. Everyone is amused when Fred’s wife guesses that the mystery object is Scrooge. Fred explains that Scrooge is to be pitied, not despised. “He is rich but his money does him no good (model of the word SOM), and his offences carry their own punishment”.

The scene ends with the spirit aging as midnight draws near, showing Scrooge that life does end. The ghost opens his robe, beneath two horribly dirty children stand . The ghost tells him that they are not his but “man’s” and that “This boy is Ignorance this girl is Want”. Scrooge is told to beware of them both especially Ignorance.

Future Pace

The final ghost is the ghost of Christmas yet to come. The ghost uses a future pace to show Scrooge how his life will potentially span out if he doesn’t change. He is shown a group of wealthy men, discussing an unpopular man who has died and a pawn broker, Joe who is buying stolen property, stolen from a dead man.

Scrooge returns with the ghost to the Cratchits’ house, where the family are upset at the death of Tiny Tim. Finally he is shown to a churchyard and a gravestone with his own name and he realizes that he is the man that only brings happiness to others in death. Scrooge ask “whether what he has seen will be or what may be only.” His desired outcome has changed.

Desired Outcome

As Scrooge awakes on Christmas day, wondering how long he has been away? He realises that time has been distorted, just as when in trance. Scrooge has made a rapid change, and takes action straight away, by doing what he can to be kind to mankind, giving money to charity, buying the prise turkey for the Cratchit family and living Christmas everyday of his life – his new well formed outcome is set in positive terms, and he has the resources to achieve them. Some people laugh at him, but with his new perspective on life, he lets them laugh and is happy with his new outlook on life.

 

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Other People Who Read This Article Also Read:

Chris Delaney Specialise in: 

FREE Life Coaching Downloads

Sponsored Adverts

Coach Yourself To Success; Reduce Low Self Esteem and Increase Confidence 

E-Coaching Course

Train to Be a life Coach and Make Money as a part time or full time Coach

coaching business in a box

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Hazel Gale How Chronic Fatigue Took her From British Kick Boxing Champion to Champion Hypnotherapist

Hazel Gale  How  Chronic FatigueTook her From British Kick Boxing Champion to Champion Hypnotherapist 

I have a real treat for those of you who love an epic story of struggle and success. Today I’m joined by Hazel Gale ex British Kick-Boxing champion, who became ill with ME only to fight back and use her experience and skills to support others in the sporting sector. This is  a great and inspirational story.

hazel gale

CD. For people who don’t know you, can you tell our readers a little about yourself and how you coach others?

HG. I’m a Quest Trained Cognitive Hypnotherapist specialising in sports performance (although I see clients with all manner of other presenting issues as well). Before qualifying as a therapist, I coached and competed in kickboxing and boxing for the best part of a decade, so combat sports are an area I hold particularly close to my heart. I think athletes appreciate the fact that I know what it means to compete in something you’re so passionate about when they see me as clients.

hazel kick

Combat sports demand an extremely high level of dedication, focus and mental strength, so as I began studying the processes of the unconscious mind I immediately recognised hypnotherapy to be something that could benefit myself and many of the athletes I trained with greatly. To this day, I still compete as an amateur boxer and I use mental training techniques in preparation for every competition I enter.

CD. What an interesting background, what made you go from being a competitive kick-boxer to being a hypnotherapist and coach?

HG. In 2009 I got very ill with chronic fatigue (or ME). I first got ill in the build up to the British kickboxing championships in February of that year. I was due to defend my current title in full contact, and as usual, I was piling the pressure on. Training wasn’t going well. I was struggling to make the weight and I had twisted my ankle. None of that was particularly new but something else was beginning to bother me – I felt tired and weak during sessions and thoroughly sick afterwards. It seemed as though every time I stood up I’d feel faint, and I couldn’t sleep for more than an hour or so before being woken up by my racing heart as if from a nightmare (although I was aware of no such stimulus). In the end, I failed to make the weight and so entered the category above mine, but I performed terribly and lost my first fight.

After the championships I continued to feel ill. It seemed to be some kind of a virus at first. I was tested for glandular fever, then anaemia and hypothyroidism (amongst other things) but nothing came back positive and I was showing little sign of improvement. The cruellest thing about ME, in my opinion, is that you’ll oscillate between feeling paralysed by fatigue and then having a few tantalisingly good days or sometimes weeks. These good spells would fill me with hope before the fatigue would return without the slightest bit of notice to crush me and my optimism once again.

haz_sport_cropped902173

I carried on for years in that state. I never managed to get above thirty or forty percent of the fitness to which I was accustomed, but fighting had become such an integral part of my identity that stopping to get better was out of the question. I’d continually risk putting myself out of action for two weeks just to train in one more squad session, and I’d turn up to big tournaments knowing that after one minute of the first round I’d be dragging my feet and gasping for air. That’s not ideal when someone is trying to knock you out

Over the years I’d tried Western medicine, Eastern medicine, and all number of alternative medicines. I’d tried becoming a vegetarian, a vegan, I cut out caffeine, alcohol, sugar… Along the way I went to see a hypnotherapist who sparked an interest in me that would turn out to be life defining. I began  researching it just for personal gain. Then, somewhat impulsively, at 3am one morning I signed up for a course to qualify as a clinical hypnotherapist. Since then I’ve also completed courses in sport psychology and cognitive hypnotherapy and I’ve now been practicing for around three years. That early morning whim was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

hazel fight

CD. Such a powerful story and an inspiration to other people who suffer from ME. It’s very easy to let having an illness stop you from actively chasing your dreams and goals. I love how you still compete at the top level and how you are using your own experiences with a therapist to help others in the sporting industry. As a hypnotherapist what is the main benefit from a session of cognitive hypnotherapy?

HG. That’s an incredibly tough question to answer because everyone is different. That’s actually one of the most important premises of Cognitive Hypnotherapy that makes the way we practice differ from some of the more traditional styles. Even if I specialised in something like arachnophobia and only saw people with a fear of spiders, still every session would be different because everyone will have acquired their phobia from a different place, and would do their fear in a different way. I chose the processes and techniques for each client depending on what comes up in the session and what I think will work best for them, and any suggestion work is only ever created to fit the client’s idiosyncratic perception of the world (so no scripts basically).

Having said that, in a much broader sense, what I believe to be the most valuable thing that people take away from this style of therapy is an increased self-awareness: an understanding of why their mind would create these problems in the first place; and (crucially) an increased feeling of power over behaviours or responses that once felt beyond their control.

I think that element takes people by surprise quite often. People tend to expect hypnotherapy to be a case of coming in, lying down and being put under some kind of spell for an hour before they leave (fixed). In reality, that’s a long way from the truth but what is really achievable is far more empowering and valuable should they allow themselves to fully participate in the process of gaining this level of understanding.

CD. I agree, often peoples perception of hypnotherapy is wrong and as you said self awareness for me is a big part of the therapy session. Does sports coaching differ from general coaching? Do you always have to meet clients face to face?  

HG. I’ve actually just made a series of 6 videos for a website aimed at professional and amateur squash players explaining some techniques they can use. The techniques I do with a client in session would tend to be a little more complex; working with regression and other reframe techniques to address limiting beliefs etc. Basically a sports session usually isn’t really any different to a regular therapy session.

For someone potentially looking for a therapist, what questions should they ask before booking a session? 

HG. Working with the right therapist is crucial. The relationship that forms (even over a period of just a few sessions) can be integral to the process of change. I’d suggest that anyone looking for a therapist research them thoroughly first. A recommendation from a friend is great, but if they don’t personally click with the practitioner then he/she’s probably not the one for them.

I offer a lot of information on my website for this reason. I won’t be right for everyone and I wouldn’t want my site to be a catch-all client gathering machine that sends anyone who stumbles across it into my office. It’s much better that I let them know as much about me and my approach as I can in order for them to be able to make an informed decision.

CD. Its really important for the client to trust their therapist and I agree clients should research, and even telephone the hypnotherapist to ask them questions to ensure the match is right. And how do your friends react when they find out your a hypnotherapist? 

HG. Ha. I get a lot of jokes about swinging pocket watches and looking into people’s eyes… You get used to that though. Actually, I think that it’s a brilliant time to be involved in this field. It’s still relatively new and exciting to most people. However, in the main we’re much more ready to accept this type of thing these days. Ten years ago, if you’d told me you were a hypnotherapist I probably would have laughed you out of the room. I remember an ex-boyfriend once hiding a self-help book from me because he knew how disdainful my reaction would be  if I caught him reading it (I feel pretty bad about that now). So things are changing… for the better, and it’s great to be at the forefront of that change.

hazel winner

CD. You have had a fascinating journey from athlete to coach, what goals have you set for yourself? Did you achieve them?

HG. Goal setting is obviously something I work with often in my clients’ sessions. Personally, it’s become second nature to think carefully about my aims and the route I need to take to achieve them. When something important is on the horizon I’ll use all the goal setting and future programming techniques that I’d teach to my clients and, if I’m honest, I genuinely can’t think of a goal I’ve failed to achieve in the last few years.

My most recent achievement was adding a second National ABA Boxing Title to my résumé. It wasn’t easy. Just making weight was an enormous struggle, not to mention overcoming various injuries and then, of course, performing in the fight itself. However, there was never a point at which I let self-doubt obscure the clear image I had in my head of me with my hand raised, and I can certainly thank the work I’ve done with my therapist for that.

This is the article Hazel wrote about the limiting beliefs (and resulting illness)and what  she overcame in therapy to free herself up to achieve what she has to date in her sports career: http://www.hazelgale.co.uk/blog/2013/09/inside-a-boxers-mind-from-me-to-the-medal-podium/ 

CD. You have come so far in such a short period if time, where do you see yourself in the next 3-4 years?

HG. One of my lifelong goals is to write a book (or two). I’d like to get that underway in the next few years. I’m still considering the topic at the moment but I think there’s a big gap in the market for a good sports hypnosis book for fighters so that’s my initial idea.

CD. Yes there are plenty of books on the general subject of coaching, but there are few in that niche. Plus I think the readers would love to hear your story in detail. Hazel is has been fantastic to meet you, I love your story and how you have built on your own success. I would like to end by wishing you the best of luck in the future with your business and…book? 

 If you are a coach and would like to be interviewed as part of this series please contact me at chrisdelaney7@gmail.com 

 hazel gale

Contact Hazel:

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Other People Who Read This Article Also Read:

Chris Delaney Specialise in: 

FREE Life Coaching Downloads

Sponsored Adverts

Coach Yourself To Success; Reduce Low Self Esteem and Increase Confidence 

E-Coaching Course

Train to Be a life Coach and Make Money as a part time or full time Coach

coaching business in a box

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Michael Beale Trained By The Best

Michael Beale Trained by The Best 

Michael Beale

This weeks interview is with the amazing NLP Coach and Trainer Michael Beale.

CD. Hi Michael thank you for taking some time out from your busy schedule to join me today. For people who don’t know you, can you tell our readers a little about yourself, your background and your business. 

MB. Thank you for asking. I’m Michael, an 1:1 NLP trainer and business coach. I’ve run my business for 12 years, following 30 years in buying, marketing and business strategy. I’m a certified Richard Bandler Master Practitioner, NLP and Coach Trainer and a John Grinder accredited NLP coach. I’m taking my Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centred Coaching accreditation early in 2014.

CD. Not many people have trained with both co-creators of NLP, it must have been really interesting to learn the different directions both Grinder and Bandler have took. You are highly experience and qualified, and the reason I invited you to interview is because I wanted to learn more about your unique style of NLP Coaching, can you tell me a little bit about the process you use?

MB. Yes, as well as corporate NLP training, I run 1:1 NLP training. This is normally involves a Skype or face-to-face meeting for two hours every two weeks over six months, combined with face-to-face workshops, Google Hangouts and projects as required.

I don’t accept anyone on the programme until they’ve completed a success and satisfaction quiz and added their end goals and milestones to the CoachingCloud coaching and mentoring platform. In addition, we both need to be satisfied the end goals are worth working on together for six months.

During each session we cover an aspect of the practitioner programme and we agree a simple task to be carried out before the next session. In addition we explore solutions to any challenges that may have arisen. This ensures that, in addition to covering the programme material, the client develops a number of ‘success’ habits in line with their end goals . Over the six months it’s very powerful.

I give two free genuinely free sessions to potential clients to help them set up their end goals and see how we work together. If we’re working together for six months we both want to make sure that we’re going to enjoy the experience!

CD. Two free sessions is very generous and I agree both the coach and client need to be happy with the relationship, this for me is a key part in the coaching relationship. We talked about your NLP training with Bandler and Grinder, but what do you do to keep up with the latest trends in coaching?

MB. I learn most from my clients. As part of being an NLP trainer and coach, I need to elicit my clients’ strategies to help them improve what they do. I’m in the privileged position of being able to learn from all my clients.

Subject to our diaries, I also offer two free sessions over Skype to anyone anywhere in the world, as long as they have a good internet connection and can articulate what they want to achieve. I used to do this as part of my business development, however I now do it because I enjoy it and because it’s a tremendous learning experience. I have to deal with whatever comes up. For these sessions I don’t guarantee results, however I’m genuinely surprised what can be achieved.

I read a lot of books related to coaching and performance and produce a weekly ‘coaching thought’ from this reading. It gives subscribers some useful ideas, and introduces them to books that may be of interest to them. And finally I aim to attend a major training event every two years.

CD. You seem very motivated about your personal development. You have talked about how you use various platforms to interactive with your clients. Do you ever meet clients in the office?

MB. The sessions are almost never in client offices. I use Skype a lot and we have the sessions in the evening when they’re at home or in coffee places, conference suites, and sometimes bars.

CD. What are the main benefits from the coaching session?

MB. Having the right coach can be hugely motivating.  Most people choose to work with a coach because they want something and know at some level that what they’re doing isn’t working. As soon as they find a coach who can help them put together some of the missing pieces their whole attitude becomes hugely positive. They become much more motivated.

I think other benefits include helping clients connect to what’s really important to them and appreciate what they’ve already achieved, wherever they are. This sets a basis to develop plans and approaches to move towards what they want. Coaching does this and helps  them follow up and, where necessary, navigate through challenging situations.

CD. I really agree about having the right coach, I always tell clients to look around and pick a coach that will best support them, as coaches have different skills, approaches and expertise. What area of expertise do you specialise in?

MB. I specialise in working with business and professional people. However clients realise that the more ‘together’ they are as a person, the more successful they’re likely to be, so it’s a mixture of performance coaching and at the same time leading people to be more fulfilled.

CD. What would you say is your life Mantra?

MB. To enjoy and appreciate where I am and have an empowering and exciting vision for the future.

CD. Do you use a vision board to achieve this?

MB. Yes, I maintain a vision board on the CoachingCloud platform. This is available to all my clients. Curiously I sometimes find it a genuine challenge to update it, but well worth the effort.

CD. and where do you see yourself in the next 3-4 years?

MB. Building on where I am now: Working with a small number of interesting 1:1 NLP training clients in the UK and around the world. Leading a small community of entrepreneurs, consultants and coaches with a mixture of face-to-face and on-line gatherings. Working with a number of top-end executives through using the Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centred Coaching Process. The future looks good!

CD. Thank you for joining me today Michael and for sharing your interesting story. 

 If you are a coach and would like to be interviewed as part of this series please contact me at chrisdelaney7@gmail.com 

Michael’s Contact Details

Michael Beale

Michael Beale | Director

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Other People Who Read This Article Also Read:

Chris Delaney Specialise in: 

FREE Life Coaching Downloads

Sponsored Adverts

Coach Yourself To Success; Reduce Low Self Esteem and Increase Confidence 

E-Coaching Course

Train to Be a life Coach and Make Money as a part time or full time Coach

coaching business in a box

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Peter Freeth Explains Why the Presupposition ‘every behaviour has a positive intention’ Isn’t True

 Peter Freeth Explains Why the Presupposition ‘every behaviour has a positive intention’ Isn’t True 

 

peter smile

We have a real treat today. Peter Freeth – coach, author and business leader  www.askrevelation.com, is this weeks guest author. Peter has a world wide reputation, presenting at intentional conferences in Ukraine, Poland, Denmark, USA, Canada, South Africa, Ireland and the UK. Peter has taught NLP and coaching all over the world, and has been a “guest trainer” with some of the UK’s best known training companies.

Is NLP Misunderstood?

At this time of year, many people think about making a fresh start. They make New Year’s resolutions, and they think about changing homes, cars and, of course, jobs.

Sadly, what puts a lot of people off going for a new job, getting out of a rut and driving their careers forwards is fear of putting themselves up for judgement. They project their own self doubt onto the interviewer, convinced that the interviewer can see through their thin veil of confidence.

In my work as a coach and trainer, I would say that the most common manifestation of this that I come across is fear of public speaking.

A lot of what you’ll read about NLP on the Internet and in other books centres around the notion of “belief change”; that by using some magical technique to change your beliefs, you won’t have to think about your behaviour, it will all just fall into place by itself.

After one session with a NLP Practitioner – whoosh! – by changing this one belief with a magical technique, their whole life falls into place. They have the confidence to lead and the assertiveness to manage their team’s performance, and now that they believe that they are a good manager, they aggressively pursue the promotion opportunities that they had missed out on.

Sadly, this is a very optimistic set of expectations; of the client, of you as a Practitioner and of NLP itself.

Being able to uncover a belief and offer the client evidence to support the formation of new beliefs is valuable, and it will influence the client’s behaviour. However, wholesale belief change is not what NLP is about.

A phrase that I hear all too often is, “limiting belief”. This is, in my opinion, a terrible way to think about beliefs. A belief cannot be limiting, and to give the belief the active verb means that it is in control of you. Just apply the meta model – what is the belief limiting – you! But it’s your belief! That’s like opening your lunch box and sighing, “ham sandwiches again” when you make them yourself every morning!

Beliefs are not limiting. Beliefs keep you safe. They give you certainty about the world, so we shouldn’t think in terms of ‘belief change’. We should think in terms of what has to become true in order for an outcome to be achieved.

Imagine the owner of a conference and events company who is a nervous, even fearful presenter. What a job to choose! When he introduces a conference and welcomes the guests, he nervously shuffles, fumbles, sweats and can’t wait to get off stage. He feels panicky and admits that he hates getting up in front of people.

Interview

How would you approach this?

Would you perhaps anchor confidence? Or maybe set a Well Formed Outcome for a successful presentation? Or you might use some of the NLP techniques that you’ve learned to ‘reframe’ his nervousness as a useful and valid choice; one of many.

I can’t tell you what ‘would’ work in a hypothetical situation. I can, however, tell you what I did in this real life situation. What I looked for was the underlying rule that drove his behaviour. I figured that any techniques to address only his anxiety would just give him more to worry about.

You see, “every behaviour has a positive intention” isn’t true. It’s another phrase that I hear a lot, and it’s probably the most wrongly interpreted NLP presupposition of them all.

If you look up the list, you’ll see that the full statement is, “Every behaviour has a positive intention and a context in which it has value”.

Therefore, by understanding the context in which the belief has value, you will understand everything about the client’s beliefs that he or she projects onto the world. If you had to stand up in front of a crowd who were griping and groaning, booing and stamping their feed to indicate their boredom, you’d be scared too. It’s a natural reaction, and a sign that you need to get out of there right now. This situation often happens in real life, but at comedy clubs, not at corporate conferences, although, amazingly, I have seen it happen.

We should also note that the word ‘positive’ does not mean ‘good’. It merely means ‘exists’. Positive feedback means ‘do more of x to get y’, and negative feedback means do less of x to get y’. So a positive intention is just an intention to achieve something.

In exploring his role in the conference and how he saw himself in relation to the audience, I was able to reveal a belief; that his role in the conference was not important.

We can then make a connection between the belief that his role was not important, therefore he was not important, and all of his anxious behaviours.

First, I did a ‘conversational reframe’, which is simply a way to offer up alternative points of view and set the scene for the change process. If you were to pick apart what I said to him, you could see a number of NLP techniques within it. I appeared to ramble on a number of subjects; going to the cinema, seeing a play or pantomime, going to a conference and so on. All of these examples contained a similarity; that what happens at the very beginning determines how you feel about the whole event. He then realised that his role in the conference was potentially the most important. His role determined how the guests answered, in their own minds, the question, “Did I make a good decision to come here?”

I hadn’t tried to convince him that his role is important, he’s arrived at that conclusion all by himself.

So, now he was open to other possibilities, but he still needs hard evidence, so I used a little trick that is one of my personal favourites. I got him to focus on something that was such a minor detail, in this case his use of ‘cue cards’ rather than trying to remember everything. He had watched other conference speakers working without any notes, and assumed that their confident appearance meant that they were much ‘better’ than he was. In fact, there are other explanations. They have probably delivered the same lecture or speech hundreds of times and they know it like a child knows a nursery rhyme. That doesn’t make it good. Their confidence might actually be arrogance, a sign that they have disconnected from the audience, which is not good either.

I asked him if he thought that these confident presenters were any good, in his opinion. He said no, but the audiences always applauded.

That’s what audiences do. Nightingales sing, rivers flow, audiences applaud politely.

To be fair, he had done what we all do; taken snippets of reality and put them into a collage, the result of which was a belief that he wasn’t as good as these other presenters, and his role wasn’t important. He had made them the stars of the show and whilst they may have been what the audience were paying to see, my client was unwittingly the ‘warm up man’, and if the warm up man doesn’t warm up the audience, the main act falls flat on its face.

By the way, taking snippets of perception and making a collage from them, much like the poster to advertise a movie, is called ‘in-time representations in a between-time structure’. This is what happens when people say, “I’m always trying to lose weight”. No they’re not. But by focusing on the times that they’re conscious of trying, they don’t notice all the times that they already are losing weight. Smoking is another good example, where someone might say, “I keep trying to give up, and I manage it for a few weeks, but then I start again. I just can’t give up.” Actually, they excel at giving up, they’ve done it several times! That’s not the correct focus; instead they should forget to start again after they’ve successfully stopped!

At this point, the client had a number of different options, which meant that he was receptive to new information to support a change in belief. And now we get to my favourite trick.

Remembering everything that he had to say was a problem too. He had tried cue cards, but found that they didn’t help. I suggested that writing words on cue cards was the problem for him, because he had to stop speaking in order to read the words, and that interrupted his natural flow and allowed the self doubt and anxiety to creep in. I gave him some slips of paper to use as practice cue cards and got him to think up symbols instead of words. A clock for start and finish times, a cup for breaks, a stick man and woman for where the toilets are, a speech bubble to introduce the speakers, a question mark to let the audience know when they could ask questions, and so on. Part of his problem was that he couldn’t remember everything that he needed to say, and he had created an unrealistic expectation based on what he’d seen other presenters do.

Another perspective is that when the conference speakers deliver their habitual lectures, they are telling a story, like walking a well worn path. It all connects together, and they’re using slides and other prompts to keep themselves on track. While that audience may not have seen the presentation before, they’ve actually delivered it dozens of times.

My client’s introduction was quite disjointed; the things he needed to say were all important, but they didn’t have a flow or story. The ancient Greeks had a way of giving such disjointed items a story of their own, called the Method of Locus. This would involve an imaginary journey that begins with looking at your watch and noticing the time, stopping for a cup of coffee, going to the toilet, meeting someone and talking to them, meeting someone else and asking them questions, and so on.

I didn’t get him to try this, I just stuck to the cards because they were easier, and he was already using them. If you can attach change to something the client already does, they will have a natural, ongoing reminder of it. The thing I like about simple tricks or props is that they serve many purposes.

For example, the symbolic cue cards gave my client:

  • A reason for his past difficulty (reading words)
  • Something to do with his hands
  • A reminder of what to say
  • Something new to try (the symbols)
  • A magic token, like Dumbo’s magic feather, Popeye’s spinach or any other ‘placebo’
  • Something to focus on
  • Something to take his mind off the problem
  • An activity that presupposes change
  • A rehearsal activity

Any intervention, any technique, has multiple ways of working, and one of the worst things that happens at NLP Practitioner training is that the students are told what each technique is for. They’re presented as keys which only open one door, one way, and their coaching sessions simply become a routine of trying all the keys until they find the right one. Mapping out the context of the issue first is absolutely vital to success for the client.

For example, a swish is a technique that you can do in dozens of different ways. You can wave your hands, imagine rubber bands flinging images around, turn a page, start a new sentence half way through another. That’s a linguistic swish, by the way, where you start by pacing the client’s current experience and then introduce a pattern interrupt and redirection half way through. The mistake I’ve seen every NLP trainer make is to make the outcome something desirable, and this is dangerous, because all you’re doing is replacing lack of choice A with lack of choice B, and who’s to say it’s the right outcome anyway? When you do a swish, what you need to aim for is just to break the pattern and open up choice. Now, it’s all very well me saying this, and just because you’re reading these words right now doesn’t mean that bananas will ever evolve intelligence by themselves, which is why the swish is such a powerful tool and should really be used in every coaching session at least once.

So the more ‘mileage’ you can get out of everything you do, the more effective you’ll be.

I had my client practice his introduction a few times, during which he relied less and less on his cue cards. As he did this, I asked him about what he was doing, how he was feeling and, most importantly, what differences he was noticing. We ended the session with him genuinely looking forward to trying out his new cue cards.

Did this “work”?

If you mean, “Was the client able to present at conferences more comfortably, without anxiety?”, then the answer is yes. But a technique, or a whole coaching process, is only the beginning, and you must never underestimate the amount of work that your client must still do in order to achieve what they want. In many cases, you are asking them to break the habits of a lifetime, and accept a different possibility for the most difficult belief of all; that things will always be the same.

A few years after the coaching session, I met up with the client again. He’s now the Managing Director of the UK branch of a large global conference organiser, and he told me something that surprised even me – that the coaching session had changed his life. It had enabled him to seize new opportunities, and it improved his overall sense of confidence and self worth, because he was no longer afraid of something that he’d been telling himself for years was a silly, irrational fear.

He was even able to do something that, previously, he would never have attempted. He gave a speech at his own wedding, still using the visual mnemonic cards, and actually enjoyed it.

peter smile

Learn More about Peter Here:  Peter Freeth has almost 30 years experience in business, with first hand experience in technology, sales, management and team development. He has worked with major global corporations including HP, British Telecom, Parker Hannifin, Babcock, Mizuho, VW Audi, Barclays, Santander, Mercer and Google and delivered impressive results including doubling sales conversions, increasing profitability by 700% and accelerating the career development of 83% of Babcock’s future leaders.

Peter first encountered NLP in 1993 while working in the Telecoms industry and has been studying, developing and teaching it ever since. Over the past 20 years, Peter’s experience and work has expanded into the field of coaching and more general public and corporate training in such areas as sales and leadership.

Peter has written 9 books on various business and management subjects as well as countless magazine articles. He has presented at intentional conferences in Ukraine, Poland, Denmark, USA, Canada, South Africa, Ireland and the UK and is an expert in the field of developing high performing cultures in business.

Peter has taught NLP and coaching all over the world, and has been a “guest trainer” with some of the UK’s best known training companies. Today, Peter’s focus is on executive coaching and business performance consulting through his company, Revelation.

Learn more about peters new book here: Genius At Work

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

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Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

How Do Actors Deal With The Stress of Their Job?

 

How Do Actors Deal With The Stress of Their Job?

 

The State of Stress

 

Stress is a state, an emotion which is often brought on by how we perceive the task we have set ourselves or the task others have set for us. As a life coach I work with celebrities and professionals to help them reduce their personal stress levels.

Through this I have modelled successful professionals to understand how they handle their stress levels and researched those who get stressed easily to appreciate why their stress levels are higher than others? And found a major difference between how these two types internally perceive their life.

Why is one person motivated while the other, given the same task feels stressed?

As an example; two actors with the same amount of lines to learn for the same play, will have different stress levels for this same task. One will worry that they won’t remember their lines, until the opening night. While the other will mainly feel calm throughout.

 

Little Chunks

 

When we have to complete any task, we will internally break this task down into manageable chunks; “if I complete A, B and C I will achieve my goal”. Each time we complete a chunk we feel more motivated as we near to our goal.

The stressed professional does something much different. With their task, they break it down into hundreds of unmanageable chunks, so many that the task now seems frightening, creating the state of stress.

Say the actor is tasked with learning a set of lines. The stressed free actor will say “OK I need to first read the script, practice the lines alone, practice with a colleague, and finally act the play out” 5 easy steps.

What happens when you’re stressed is this “damn I can’t do this, first I need to find a quite room, I will find one, but then I will be interrupted, so I will have to find a new room. Once I find a new room I realise I have left the script in the first room. Because I’m stressed I will have to get a glass of water, but all the glasses are in the dish washer, now I have to find another vessel to drink from. Now I’m ready to learn my lines, but I need to get the accent right, so I repeat the first line over and over again. Before I know it, it’s getting late and I’ve only learnt one line. So tomorrow I will have to start again. …nooooo I will never do this!!”

It is highly motivational to chunk things up into manageable pieces. If you chunk things down into too many pieces your mountain of chunks will seem too big and overwhelming. You will spend too much time thinking about the hundred chunks rather than getting the task started.

 

The Motivational Chunk

 

When given a task, break it down into manageable chunks, often 5 is a good number. Breaking down task in this way, creates the impression that task is possible to complete. If you only have one chunk “learn a script” the task can seem to large, maybe even in possible.

Several chunks, will allow you to concentrate on a section of the task before moving on. When you feel your tasks are manageable, you feel highly motivated reducing your stress levels.

 

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Other People Who Read This Article Also Read:

Chris Delaney Specialise in: 

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Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Hypnotherapy Didsbury

Christopher Delaney Therapy – Didsbury, Manchester

Christopher Delaney is an NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Careers Advisor.

Chris Specialises in Phobia Removal, Decreasing  Anxiety and Boosting  Confidence in Didsbury Manchester 

Over the past 10 years, Chris has built up a reputation as a highly motivational coach, helping clients to overcome their fears and achieve their goals. Chris creates individual client focus sessions and works with clients from all walks of life from Company Directors to Parents and Teenagers.

Chris empowers his clients to take control of their own life – giving you the power back. Whether you come for coaching to overcome a life long phobia or to gain the confidence to achieve your dreams, Chris’s client led style of therapy is friendly, professional and confidential.

If you want to learn more about Christopher Delaney and his unique style of coaching and therapy click this link: Chris Delaney Therapy and follow Chris on Google plus.

For Career Advice and Interview Coaching visit Employment King

Therapy Styles

Chris uses a mixture of NLP Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy techniques to help you achieve your goal quickly. For clients wanting only a particular style of therapy – coaching or hypnotherapy, Chris will appreciate your choice and use only the therapy style you request.

  • NLP Life Coaching 
  • Hypnotherapy 
  • Training Sessions and Courses – Full and Half Day Session. Chris can deliver a wide range of training sessions and courses from goal setting to confidence boosting sessons. To discuss what training options would best suit you or your organisation e-mail Chris at chrisdelaney7@gmail.com

Customer Testimonials

“Thanks Chris for all your help I never would’ve believed how much my life has changed. You have made a big difference and I would’ve never have made these changes without you” – Sam, Stockport

“Thank you so much for the session it was dead good i cant believe i actually LIKE cleaning now! life saver!” – Oonagh Farrell Manchester – Cleaning Phobia

‘’In recent years I have had the great pleasure of working closely with Chris on a number of projects. During that time I have continued to be inspired and impressed with Chris’s work as an NLP coach and his natural skill and ability to bring out the very best in me, himself and his fortunate clients. On the occasions when my confidence has dipped or deserted me I have turned to Chris who has never failed to boost it back up to where it belongs. Chris is a fantastic NLP practitioner and coach and I highly recommend him – take any opportunity you get to spend time with him.’’ – Sandie Shaw, High Peak Life Coach

“I first had a coaching session with Chris in Manchester a few months ago. The hour was extremely worthwhile as his advice was excellent. Chris really helped improve my confidence and realise my own ambitions. After the session, I felt great then later asked him to re write my cv, which now looks amazing. I also then asked him to do me some cover letters for jobs I have very recently applied for. What I liked was that Chris was keen to give me feedback on my own work free of charge- and I doubt you’d get that else where. I have recommended him to two of my friend who are keen to plan a coaching session. 5 star service, thank you.” – Emily Brown

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

Other People Who Read This Article Also Read:

Chris Delaney Specialise in: 

FREE Life Coaching Downloads

Sponsored Adverts

Coach Yourself To Success; Reduce Low Self Esteem and Increase Confidence 

E-Coaching Course

Train to Be a life Coach and Make Money as a part time or full time Coach

coaching business in a box

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions  and Public Speaking Events

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