NLP Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy

Posts tagged ‘new perspective’

Living According to What Really Matters

Living according to what really matters

Guest Post by Life Coach Catriona Futter

 

Imagine with me that you are at the start of your adulthood, but before entering into that auspicious, shiny new phase of life, an interview is required. The focus is simple – yourself. Time is given for you to dream out loud about your future, and lay out before the panel your hopes, aspirations, goals, priorities and values – the things that matter to you most.  The mood is upbeat and optimistic. You pass into adulthood focused, committed, and full of young energetic promise.

 

Travelling through adulthood, the path is more tortuous than envisaged, with challenges, growth, new experiences, hardships and many mundanities . The world no longer seems so black and white.

 

But do those original aspirations remain the focus of living?

 

Our life priorities and values change as we get older, but how often do we take time to step back from the path to reassess how we are living and the choices we are making?

 

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Now imagine being back in that interview room, having completed adulthood. Again, the focus is on what really matters to you, this time from the perspective of having lived your life and really understood. A timesheet is laid before you, containing the bare facts of how you have actually lived. And herein lies the rub – where are the gaps between what you originally identified as important, and how you have actually lived? Without coming over all maudlin, is there perhaps regret, disappointment, lack of fulfilment?

 

What reaction are these questions producing?

What feelings are surfacing?

 

In my role as life coach, I love to question and encourage below-the-surface thinking – not to make people uncomfortable but to encourage and challenge them to become the best of themselves in the decisions they make. In my previous work as a physiotherapist (physical therapist) I saw countless individuals who were suddenly confronted with what mattered to them most in the raw reality of a cancer diagnosis. Things that consumed much time and effort before their diagnosis now seemed paltry and insignificant. And often, what came into sharp focus were relationships, forgotten goals and dreams, ideas that ended up on the back-burner. Suddenly, the importance of these aspects of life was seen with absolute clarity, and a conviction to live accordingly.

 

 

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Now let me be clear – I do not wish a life changing crisis on you! And I fully appreciate that life is busy, complicated, often unexpected and necessitates juggling of many different commitments and demands.

 

But the challenge is simple – what is it that really matters to you, and does the way you live your life reflect that?

Why do you do what you do?

And what do the choices you make say about what is most important to you?

 

It can be easy to believe that we have little control over our lives, and the external demands placed on us dictate what we do and how we react. But the key is in that very word. Reacting suggests a passive waiting for something to happen to us, a lack of control. And if we dig below the surface, as I so love to do, perhaps we come across fears that fuel those reactions. Fear of not being liked or approved of if we fail to respond immediately to demands placed on us by others. Fear of failure if we step out towards that long-held goal. Fear of change or rocking the boat. Fear of being vulnerable when we invest in relationships. Tricky I know, and often valid fears, and this is just scratching the surface of a complex issue. But when we live reactively, from a place of fear, the freedom to be ourselves rarely gets a look in.

 

 

 

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There is another way: choosing to live pro-actively, or intentionally, making decisions based on what and who really matter to us. This facilitates a way of living that brings with it a sense of purpose, fulfilment, and freedom.

 

These are huge issues, so where to start? By beginning at the end, and taking many small steps to reach that goal. Ask yourself –

  • Step 1: What are my life goals and priorities? What matters to me most in life: consider relationships, personal development, health, family, career, service. What legacy do I want to leave behind?
  • Step 2: How do I spend my time currently?
  • Step 3: Where are the gaps?
  • Step 4: The fun bit – pick one small element from Step 1, eg an important relationship, and ask:

What one thing could I do this week to invest in that relationship?

And repeat Step 4 each week, regularly reviewing your goals and priorities, and slowly, gradually and with committed resolve you will find yourself living according to what really matters to you.

Life Coach Catriona Futter

Intrigued and hungry for more? Wanting to make changes but not sure where to start, or how to keep going? I am here to help! I am a Life Coach, passionate about encouraging you to become your best self and live out your life purpose.

 

Visit my website at www.equipforlifecoaching.com to meet me, download your FREE Self-coaching Guide, read my blog and arrange your FREE taster Life Coaching session.

Find me on facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Equip-for-Life-Coaching/206054842868532

 

 

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions and Public Speaking Events

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Other People Who Read This Article Also Read:

Chris Delaney Specialise in:

FREE Life Coaching Downloads

Sponsored Adverts

Train to Be a life Coach and Make Money as a part time or full time Coach

coaching business in a box

101 Life Coaching Tools and Techniques

101 coaching techniques

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions and Public Speaking Events

Venues

DIDSBURY: 4 Birley Park, Didsbury, Manchester, M20 2TL

MANCHESTER: The Triangle, 37 Exchange Square, Manchester M4 3TR

E-MAIL: chrisdelaney7@gmail.com for more information

 

  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for smoking in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for weight loss in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for fears and phobias in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for self esteem in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for anxiety in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for alcoholism in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for confidence in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for goals in Didsbury

Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching in Didsbury is easily located for people living in and around Stockport, Manchester, Tameside, Chorlton and Didsbury, as we are just off the M60

The Importance of Reframing

The Importance of Reframing

It was a normal day when the phone rang, Michelle a mother of two, was baking a cake that she had planned  to serve as a desert for a family meal. She knew something was wrong by the callers tone “whats happen to joe?” she asked, panic showing in her voice. Joe was Michelle’s eldest son, he had only recently passed his driving test.

 

Michelle later found out that a car had run a red light and driven into the side of Joe’s car causing Joe’s car to tip on its side, smashing the windscreen and knocking Joe out cold. Joe had immediately been rushed to hospital, and due to the severity of his injuries had been operated on within an hour of being rushed into the hospitals emergency room.

 

Michelle had arrived just as the surgery had ended. The consultant came out to discuss the operation with Michelle “the operation went well, the odd of survival of this type of operation is 90%” Michelle breathed a shy of relief.

 

The frame the doctor used “90% survival rate”, created a strong positive emotion. But what if the doctor gave the same information framed differently “the operation went well, but the mortality rate for this operation is 10%” This new frame would have created a different emotional response.

 

Creating emotional Frames

 

The information you receive creates a frame of reference, this frame evokes a particular emotional response. The same information framed differently will produce a different emotional response. As a life coach and hypnotherpaist, clients come to be with limiting beliefs and negative frames, by reframing their maps of the world the client can create more choices and new perspectives.

 

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Our emotions drive us. Your emotional state filters the information we take in creating new emotional state. If you’re feeling angry, you will filter information through your “angry” state. As an example, you arrive at work on a Monday morning feeling angry. A colleague rushes over to you before you even have time to take your coat off and asks “where did you file that report?” The question, the anxiety of the colleague who is clearly in a rush and the expectation from the colleague is filtered though your “angry” state making you respond by snapping “don’t blame me if you cant find the report!!”

 

The same situation filtered through a “happy” state would create a different response “erm yes I filed it on Friday, did you check the cabinet labelled X?” The colleague sincerely thanks you as he runs off to check the cabinet he forgot to look in.

 

We are always looking for the meaning of things, if the colleague rushed over to me asking for the report…. he is Blaming me. But a change in state from angry to happy can change the frame and the meaning we perceive; if the colleague rushed over to me asking for the report he needs my help.

 

There are often many meaning to a single situation. By exploring these various perspectives, you can choose how you want to emotionally respond, helping to create in you new choices. This easy to learn skill can help you create control in many different situations. You can even check the perspective that you would take if you took on a new emotion “how would I reposed if I felt relaxed, happy or sad….?”

 

 

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Recently a client came to see me to increase his confidence and self esteem. Within minutes of arriving the client had told me how “everyone hates me” This was a strong belief that was limiting his life. Because he thought that everyone hated him, he wouldn’t attend social gatherings, he wouldn’t meet new people and he had stopped going out, “rather that, then going out only to be rejected.”

 

When he told me that everyone hated him (his frame of reference) I challenged this by asking “everyone?” He though for a few seconds “well, not everyone my family like me“who else?” I asked “my friends, but I’ve known them since school.” Following this line of thought I replied “so are you trying to say that people who get to know you, like you?” puzzled he answered “I suppose so, my family like me and my friends from childhood like me, so maybe its just strangers who don’t like me?”

 

Often by challenging a clients generalisation you break their frame of reference creating a new perspective. I went on “have you ever met a stranger who became a friend?”

 

 

 

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Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions and Public Speaking Events

 google_plus_logo1

Other People Who Read This Article Also Read:

Chris Delaney Specialise in:

FREE Life Coaching Downloads

Sponsored Adverts

Train to Be a life Coach and Make Money as a part time or full time Coach

coaching business in a box

101 Life Coaching Tools and Techniques

101 coaching techniques

Chris Delaney NLP Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Career Advisor is available for booking for One to One Private Sessions, Group Training Sessions and Public Speaking Events

Venues

DIDSBURY: 4 Birley Park, Didsbury, Manchester, M20 2TL

MANCHESTER: The Triangle, 37 Exchange Square, Manchester M4 3TR

E-MAIL: chrisdelaney7@gmail.com for more information

 

  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for smoking in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for weight loss in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for fears and phobias in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for self esteem in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for anxiety in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for alcoholism in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for confidence in Didsbury
  • Hypnosis and Life Coaching for goals in Didsbury

Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching in Didsbury is easily located for people living in and around Stockport, Manchester, Tameside, Chorlton and Didsbury, as we are just off the M60

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